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Category Archives: Transformational Parenting Practices

Teen Culture … Veil of Secrecy!

April 24, 2016

“The Parental Grapevine!”

A Cluster of Transformational Parenting Practices

Malbec Grapes

Teen Culture … Veil of Secrecy!

Teenagers growing up in the 21st Century have a bottomless “Pit” from which to draw a variety of self-destructive activities.  If you can imagine some of these activities … they are already in the “Pit” and waiting for our sons and daughters to grab hold of it.

Our teens have greater access to the “Pit” because Teen Culture promotes the Lie that experimenting with Drugs, Alcohol and Prescription Medicine is normalThe New “Normal!”  Teen Culture reinforces the following messages to our teens via music, movies, billboards, television and social media …

“Get Real!  That’s what teenagers do!”  

“You’re going to experience life at some point anyway!”

“It’s all part of growing up!”  

“No Big Deal!”

The challenges our teenagers deal with and the daily choices they have to make were foreign to us when we were their age and unimaginable to our parents when they were teenagers.  The Age of Innocence disappeared several generations ago … and there’s barely any evidence of it left.  I remember the Brady Bunch and the Huxtable Kids with amusement … but those nostalgic days are no more.  Poof!  Gone!  But you already know this.

The New “Normal!”

What I refer to as The New “Normal!” is often terrifying to parents.  Now imagine how terrifying it must be for our sons and daughters, especially those who choose NOT to identify with The New “Normal!”  I refer now to some of our teenagers who make positive choices and have Goals and Dreams they want to pursue.  These are fun-loving teenagers who are NOT interested in Getting High, Sexting or indulging in reckless irresponsible behaviors that jeopardize their health, safety and wellbeing.

The teens I refer to now are NOT winged-Angels.  They occasionally screw up and miss the Mark!  But their parents are proud of who they are becoming.  And each and every day, these teens try hard to behave in ways that make themselves proud of who they are becomingas they lean toward more Independence. read more …

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Parents of Teenagers Practice Love Two Ways

January 18, 2016

“The Parental Grapevine!”

A Cluster of Transformational Parenting Practices

  Malbec Grapes

 Parents of Teenagers Practice Love Two Ways

If you know me at all (even if only through this blog), you know that I’m excited about the possibilities of what a Parent-Teen relationship can become. I suspect this will always be true of me … because I know how amazing those relationships can be after they transform. Ultimately, what jump-starts the transformation is Love. BUT when things turn sour and fall apart … it’s always when Parents of Teenagers Practice Love Two Ways.

Love is one of the strongest emotions in the world – perhaps the strongest. Love is unmistakable, immutable and irrefutable. This Love is “Unconditional!” You can always spot Unconditional Love. It’s a “Steel Magnolia!” It nurtures, protects and inspires simultaneously! It hangs tough over the long haul and does whatever it takesFor as long as it takes!  Unconditional Love does NOT know how to fail. read more …

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Parenting Teen Turbulence … A Mixed Bag!

December 23, 2015

“The Parental Grapevine!”

A Cluster of Transformational Parenting Practices

  Malbec Grapes

 Parenting Teen Turbulence … A Mixed Bag!

This post marks the end of our looking back at what might have been your parenting experiences.  Parenting Teen Turbulence … A Mixed Bag! is all about what you’re experiencing currently.  Keep these words in mind … It’s a Mixed Bag! 

Level Seven:  The Savings & Loan in Your Heart!

Imagine for a moment that your heart has a Savings & Loan on the premises.  Let’s call it your “Heart-Bank.”  Your daughter’s account was activated the moment you laid eyes on her at birth.  Over the years, automatic deposits and withdrawals were made on her behalf … based on the amount of joy or sadness she brought into your life.  Throughout her childhood, she generated hefty deposits – all the “good stuff.”  Her withdrawals were kept to a minimum.

Even during the Terrible Two’s, your child still made more deposits than withdrawals.  But things changed a bit during adolescence.  Her deposits and withdrawals were a bit more even-handed – 50/50.  Nowadays, the Turbulence of your daughter’s teen years is having a devastating impact on her account.  By age 16, she will have depleted all her savings.  She already owes the Heart-Bank an embarrassing sum in overdraft fees … and her adolescence is not even half over.  If she were not bone of your bone and flesh of your flesh, her account would be in Collections!   NEXT! read more …

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Parenting in the Early “Middle” Years … Tart!

December 17, 2015

“The Parental Grapevine!”

A Cluster of Transformational Parenting Practices

  Malbec Grapes

 Parenting in the Early “Middle” Years … Tart!

Here’s the 2nd Excerpt from “Mom and Dad Don’t Have a Clue!” Remember, we’re still looking back in time at what may have been your early parenting experience.

Level Five: Maintaining Control – A Delicate Balance!

Level Five is where parenting really gets dicey. Honesty and clear thinking on your part … is critically important. Ask yourself a bold question:

“Is controlling my teenager the most important thing to me?”

That question is critically important because it goes to the heart of your ability to cope with, recover from, and celebrate after the Turbulent Teen Years have run their course. So before you answer the question, let me interject a thought … read more …

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Parenting in the Early Years … Sweet!

December 13, 2015

“The Parental Grapevine!”

A Cluster of Transformational Parenting Practices

  Malbec Grapes

 Parenting in the Early Years … Sweet!

Do you remember when parenting your child was a breeze? Most days felt like a “Play Day” for you. From Infancy and even through the Terrible Two’s, you were the Effective Parenting wiz. You were a Star Performer! Remember how other parents envied your child-rearing skills? Why wouldn’t they. You had a model child by any standard.

Back then parenting your child was stress-free. Your Pride & Joy was a wonderfully behaved little person. If Childrearing were an Olympic Sport, YOU would have been a Gold Medal Champion!

Okay, now let’s drop-kick that “Fantasy” down to a Level One Reality! read more …

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Fire Up Your Parental Engine!

October 22, 2015

“The Parental Grapevine!”

A Cluster of Transformational Parenting Practices

  Malbec Grapes

Fire Up Your Parental Engine!  Part 1

Today I’m offering ALL parents of teenagers an opportunity to get a free copy of my special report titled “Fire Up Your Parental Engine!” It’s a 19-page eBook available to everyone who completes the Email Signup form on the right side of this webpage. If you’re reading this post somewhere other than on my website … go there now to complete the Email Signup form.  You’ll be emailed a Link to download the eBook.

www.ParentingYourTeenforLife.com

A word of caution. If you are easily offended or don’t really want to read about “New Possibilities” to improve your Parent-Teen relationship … don’t bother signing up. You might not be able to stomach “Fire Up Your Parental Engine!”

I, affectionately, refer to the eBook as a Gift wrapped in lovely layers of unrelenting Tough Love. Others might describe it as an Iron Fist in a genteel Velvet Glove. Grab a copy and reach your own conclusion. read more …

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Mom and Dad Don’t Love Me! (Part 1)

May 18, 2015

 “The Parental Grapevine!”

A Cluster of Transformational Parenting Practices

  Malbec Grapes

“Mom and Dad Don’t Love Me!”  (Part 1)

I’m going to start this blog post with an Excerpt from my new eBook titled “Mom and Dad Don’t Love Me!”  Here goes …

Brace yourself! I’m going to hit you with some “tough love” right up front. So let’s get it out of the way.

For however long it takes you to read this book, I will be calling the shots! I’m not going to bite my tongue (or my keyboard) while we’re together. And I won’t back off or back down from anything printed on these pages.

At this point, you might be saying to yourself, “She’s trying to pick a fight!”

Not true. I’m simply trying to get your undivided attention. Why? Because what I want to share with you is too important to treat lightly or ignore … or give you any wiggle room. read more …

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Pump UP the Volume on Your Parent-Teen Relationship!

April 14, 2015

 “The Parental Grapevine!”

A Cluster of Transformational Parenting Practices

  Malbec Grapes

Pump UP the Volume on Your Parent -Teen Relationship!

Most people don’t dance a jig or shake a tail feather when they realize they need to make some changes in their life. Some people would rather slit their wrist than try to change … even though they know making a change is the RIGHT thing to do. read more …

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Parents of Teenagers Practice Two Kinds of Love

January 17, 2015

“The Parental Grapevine!”

A Cluster of Transformational Parenting Practices

  Malbec Grapes

 Parents of Teenagers Practice Love – Two Ways

If you know me at all (even if only through this blog), you know that I’m excited about the possibilities of what a Parent-Teen relationship can become. I suspect this will always be true of me … because I know how amazing those relationships can be after they transform. Ultimately, what jump-starts the transformation is Love. BUT when things turn sour and fall apart … it’s always when Parents of Teenagers Practice Love Two Ways!

Love is one of the strongest emotions in the world – perhaps the strongest. Love is unmistakable, immutable and irrefutable. This Love is “Unconditional!” You can always spot Unconditional Love. It’s a “Steel Magnolia!” It nurtures, protects and inspires simultaneously! It hangs tough over the long haul and does whatever it takesFor as long as it takes!  Unconditional Love does NOT know how to fail.

The Counterfeit Voice of Love

Everything sacred in the universe has a polar opposite. The same is true of Love. “Conditional Love” is the evil antithesis of Love. Conditional Love talks at your teenager, using abusive dysfunctional language. These Sticks & Stones break the emotional bones of your son or daughter, causing psychic damage that could take decades to heal. Conditional Love sounds something like this, even if the message is non-Verbal.

“I’ll love you … if you do what I say.

I’ll love you … if you walk, talk and think as I say.

I’ll love you … when you become what I say you should be.”

There’s nothing remotely subtle about any of these comments!

Parents of Teenagers Practice Two Kinds of Love

Consider for a moment how teenagers feel when such words and actions are directed at them. No one deserves to be loved Conditionally. Yet many teenagers know that what their parents call Love would suck the life right out of them.  Sadly, some parents of teenagers who practice Conditional Love are simply unaware of the long-term negative impact such parenting has on a teenager.

Conditional Love is as cruel and cowardly as a sucker punch to the gut. Many teenagers feel physical pain when they first realize their parents love them Conditionally. The abusive nature of Conditional Love is revealed in emotional scar tissue and other psychic damage that may never completely heal.

Unconditional Love Speaks to the Heart of Your Teenager

When you effectively deliver the message of Unconditional Love to your teenager, he or she will be “reassured” of your Love, concern and support … far beyond anything else you can say or do. This doesn’t happen when Parents of Teenagers Practice Two Kinds of Love!  Unconditional Love holds “reassurance” steady … even if your teenager forfeits your Approval from time to time. Unconditional Love sounds something like this:

“My Love is irresistible … so stop trying to fight it!”

“You can’t snuff out my love … or make it weak or small.”

“When you think you don’t deserve my love … It will still be here for you.”

These are the messages, Verbal and Nonverbal, that parents use to help their sons and daughters hear and understand their messages of Love. Teens often have difficulty hearing these messages. The reasons are as many as the insecurities and anxieties that make the teen years so difficult … even with patient and understanding parents.

The message of Unconditional Love is essential to keeping the lines of Communication open in Parent-Teen relationships. It’s hard to ignore reassurances of Unconditional Love – even when a teenager is being held Accountable for his or her behavior.

What Kind of Love Do Teenagers Need?

The answer is obvious: Teenagers need Unconditional Love from their parents.   They deserve no less – no matter how ridiculously they behave. Let’s face it, our teenagers can stomp all over our last nerve and still play the Victim!

When this happens, they need even more Unconditional Love, patience and understanding … as well as clearly defined boundaries so that they are clear on what they will be held Accountable for.

This is where it gets tough! When you hold your teenager Accountable for his or her behavior, you must be careful to continue to demonstrate your love in ways that your son or daughter can hear, understand and receive.

Whenever your teenager must be disciplined or held Accountable for something he or she did or failed to do, your teen should know that for the moment you are withholding your Approval … but NOT your Love.

There is a great difference between withdrawing Approval and withholding Love. When that message is delivered correctly, your teenager will understand the difference and not feel unloved or emotionally abandoned by you.

Let’s Take ACTION!

•   Learn your son or daughter’s Love Language!

•   When expressing Love to your teenager, use his or her Love Language!

•   Be Consistent and Fair-minded when your teen’s behavior warrants discipline!

•   Practice Unconditional Love … until it becomes “Second Nature” to you!

Here’s my official DARE:

I “D-Double Dare you” to leave me a message below!

Until next time … Hang In There!

Your Teenager is Worthy of all your Love and EXTRA Effort!

Shalom!

≈     ≈    ≈    ≈    ≈    ≈    ≈    ≈

NOTE:  As you know, “Mom and Dad Don’t Love Me!”  is available in the Amazon Kindle Store.  This eBook drives home the point that parents have greater Influence in the lives of their teenagers when their teens feel they are loved.  It is the 1st in the 3-eBook Series titled The Naked Truth About Parent-Teen Relationships.  CLICK HERE. I would love it if you’d leave a short Review of the eBook.  To do that CLICK HERE.

“Mom and Dad Don’t Have a Clue!” is also available in the Kindle Store.  This eBook “Unravels the Riddle about What Makes Your Teenager Tick, Talk and Transform!”  It is the 2nd eBook in the 3-eBook Series.  CLICK HERE.  I’d love it if you’d leave a short Review.  To do that CLICK HERE

THANKS A BUNCH!

“Mom and Dad Don’t Know I Get High!” is the 3rd and final eBook in the Series.  It will be full of current research-driven facts about “how the teen brain works” and how brain development is responsible for much of the sometimes peculiar behaviors of all our teens. 

Some of what you’ll find in the eBook is new information revealed in Science and Medicine so you may not be aware of all of it.  I’ll make a general statement here.  The information will be unsettling for some so don’t feel bad if … “YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH!”   🙂 🙂

Join the Email List to get notified about the exact publishing dates or check out the “Product List” on the Menu bar at the top of this page.  Fill out the Email Signup form in the right-hand column … and You’re In!  

 

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Parenting Your Teen Through the Turbulence – Part 2

December 24, 2014

  “The Parental Grapevine!”

A Cluster of Transformational Parenting Practices

  Malbec Grapes

Parenting Your Teen Through the Turbulence – Pt 2

In Part 2 of this series, I begin by raising the same question that appears at the end of Part 1.

Why do teenagers think and behave the way they do?

If I had a Crystal Ball, I would spout off answers at the speed of light. But without the Ball and the Light show, I turn to science and medicine.

So in a word, the answer to the question is:  It’s a Brain thing!

This may surprise you, but brain development experts, child psychologists and medical doctors all pretty much agree on three facts about teenagers. read more …

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