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Category Archives: Love Languages

Teen Culture … Veil of Secrecy!

April 24, 2016

“The Parental Grapevine!”

A Cluster of Transformational Parenting Practices

Malbec Grapes

Teen Culture … Veil of Secrecy!

Teenagers growing up in the 21st Century have a bottomless “Pit” from which to draw a variety of self-destructive activities.  If you can imagine some of these activities … they are already in the “Pit” and waiting for our sons and daughters to grab hold of it.

Our teens have greater access to the “Pit” because Teen Culture promotes the Lie that experimenting with Drugs, Alcohol and Prescription Medicine is normalThe New “Normal!”  Teen Culture reinforces the following messages to our teens via music, movies, billboards, television and social media …

“Get Real!  That’s what teenagers do!”  

“You’re going to experience life at some point anyway!”

“It’s all part of growing up!”  

“No Big Deal!”

The challenges our teenagers deal with and the daily choices they have to make were foreign to us when we were their age and unimaginable to our parents when they were teenagers.  The Age of Innocence disappeared several generations ago … and there’s barely any evidence of it left.  I remember the Brady Bunch and the Huxtable Kids with amusement … but those nostalgic days are no more.  Poof!  Gone!  But you already know this.

The New “Normal!”

What I refer to as The New “Normal!” is often terrifying to parents.  Now imagine how terrifying it must be for our sons and daughters, especially those who choose NOT to identify with The New “Normal!”  I refer now to some of our teenagers who make positive choices and have Goals and Dreams they want to pursue.  These are fun-loving teenagers who are NOT interested in Getting High, Sexting or indulging in reckless irresponsible behaviors that jeopardize their health, safety and wellbeing.

The teens I refer to now are NOT winged-Angels.  They occasionally screw up and miss the Mark!  But their parents are proud of who they are becoming.  And each and every day, these teens try hard to behave in ways that make themselves proud of who they are becomingas they lean toward more Independence. read more …

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It’s Official – You Are Parenting a Moody Teenager!

January 26, 2016

“The Parental Grapevine!”

A Cluster of Transformational Parenting Practices

  Malbec Grapes

It’s Official – You Are Parenting a Moody Teenager!

Everybody knows that hormones have a lot to do with rampant Teen Moodiness. It’s also true that the teen brain plays a major role in the mood swings, irritability, and the emotional Rollercoaster rides our sons and daughters take us on. In their defense, teenagers don’t always know when to expect their mood swings. Don’t freak out, but know this.  It’s Official – You Are Parenting a Moody Teenager!

Who Let Freddy Krueger in the House?

Teenage “Mood Swings” come with severe emotional climate changes. Imagine this: One minute it’s a warm sunny day and you’re having a lovely talk with your son … then BAMM! Freddy Krueger is in your face and you’re sucked into Nightmare on Elm Street.

There was no warning! There was no visible shift in your son’s attitude or temperament. You barely blinked … and your son did a psychic backflip. When he landed, both of you were up to your thighs in icy slush. He’s fine, but you can’t feel your legs! Wuz up with that! read more …

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Teenagers’ Quest for Independence!

January 4, 2016

“The Parental Grapevine!”

A Cluster of Transformational Parenting Practices

  Malbec Grapes

 Teenagers’ Quest for Independence!

Welcome to the 16th year of the New Millennium. I don’t think I’ve ever used the word Millennium on this blog.  I only point to it now because we’ve just embraced the 2016 New Year and I want to share a thought about our Teenagers’ Quest for Independence!

Today’s post will be a wee bit shorter. Did you just muffle a “Yaaay!” It’s okay … I get it.  🙂

I want to start the year off by encouraging you to continue to stretch your Parenting Muscles as you deal with the challenge of your teenager’s sprint toward Independence.

But first … Don’t act like you didn’t know it was coming! read more …

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Fire Up Your Parental Engine!

October 22, 2015

“The Parental Grapevine!”

A Cluster of Transformational Parenting Practices

  Malbec Grapes

Fire Up Your Parental Engine!  Part 1

Today I’m offering ALL parents of teenagers an opportunity to get a free copy of my special report titled “Fire Up Your Parental Engine!” It’s a 19-page eBook available to everyone who completes the Email Signup form on the right side of this webpage. If you’re reading this post somewhere other than on my website … go there now to complete the Email Signup form.  You’ll be emailed a Link to download the eBook.

www.ParentingYourTeenforLife.com

A word of caution. If you are easily offended or don’t really want to read about “New Possibilities” to improve your Parent-Teen relationship … don’t bother signing up. You might not be able to stomach “Fire Up Your Parental Engine!”

I, affectionately, refer to the eBook as a Gift wrapped in lovely layers of unrelenting Tough Love. Others might describe it as an Iron Fist in a genteel Velvet Glove. Grab a copy and reach your own conclusion. read more …

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Candid Camera … “Teen Style!”

September 20, 2015

“The Parental Grapevine!”

A Cluster of Transformational Parenting Practices

  Malbec Grapes

Candid Camera − “Teen Style!”

Most parents mistakenly think their teenagers are so preoccupied with what’s going on in their world that they don’t care about what their parents are doing. This is not always true. Let me clue you in.

In really sucky Parent-Teen relationships … teens will “lay in wait” for their parents to Slip Up, Screw Up or do something Skuzzy, out-of-Order or out-of- Character … and then pounce on them. Most of the time, it happens after a parent has come down hard on their teen about doing something that he or she knew was wrong. A classic example would be when you catch your teenager pulling half-truths out of thin air and passing them off to you as Truth.

Wait! There’s more …

Some teens think their parents are intolerant Hard Liners. Some complain that their parents are always “coming down on them” for minor stuff. (Okay, I know there’s a difference of opinion on what “minor” is … but just go with the flow for now.) These teens say their parents treat them like Criminals before the crime! read more …

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The “Living Large” Dreams of Teenagers! Part 2

September 8, 2015

“The Parental Grapevine!”

A Cluster of Transformational Parenting Practices

  Malbec Grapes

The “Living Large” Dreams of Teenagers!  (Part 2)

Parenting teenagers can be overwhelming, even if you’ve got some experience under your belt. There’s a lot going on with our teens … hormonal activity as well as brain activity! So it’s not wise to judge our teens too hastily or too harshly. Instead, our goal should be to parent mindfully and patiently … for best results.

As Part 2 of the Teens with Dreams series, I promised to introduce you to Danette Makaila, the 17 year-old CEO of Danette Makaila International. Writing about Danette is both a celebration of what she’s accomplished at such a young age and what other Teens with Dreams are doing here in the U.S. and around the world.

I believe the more we celebrate our young people … the more inspired, encouraged and positively challenged they will be to believe in their Dreams and their ability to accomplish them. I also believe the Teens with Dreams series will help parents learn how they can best SUPPORT their teens as they work to accomplish their Dreams. read more …

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“Mom and Dad Don’t Love Me!” (Part 2)

June 26, 2015

 “The Parental Grapevine!”

A Cluster of Transformational Parenting Practices

  Malbec Grapes

“Mom and Dad Don’t Love Me!”  (Part 2)

Nearly all parents at some point in time … while raising their teenagers … have looked in the mirror and asked at least one of these questions:

“What the heck happened?!!!

“Where’s the kid who stuck to me like glue growing up?”

“Why has she stopped talking to me?”

“When did he get so shut-down?”

Enough already! If you’ve had a good (or decent) relationship with your teenager, he or she DID NOT wake up one morning and decide to “treat Mom and Dad like idiots to see what happens.” You may not want to acknowledge it now, but you were given a boatload of “signs” and “foreshadows” of what’s happening NOW. The reason I know this is true is because I raised a teenager and rubbed elbows with others. read more …

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Mom and Dad Don’t Love Me! (Part 1)

May 18, 2015

 “The Parental Grapevine!”

A Cluster of Transformational Parenting Practices

  Malbec Grapes

“Mom and Dad Don’t Love Me!”  (Part 1)

I’m going to start this blog post with an Excerpt from my new eBook titled “Mom and Dad Don’t Love Me!”  Here goes …

Brace yourself! I’m going to hit you with some “tough love” right up front. So let’s get it out of the way.

For however long it takes you to read this book, I will be calling the shots! I’m not going to bite my tongue (or my keyboard) while we’re together. And I won’t back off or back down from anything printed on these pages.

At this point, you might be saying to yourself, “She’s trying to pick a fight!”

Not true. I’m simply trying to get your undivided attention. Why? Because what I want to share with you is too important to treat lightly or ignore … or give you any wiggle room. read more …

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Parents of Teenagers Practice Two Kinds of Love

January 17, 2015

“The Parental Grapevine!”

A Cluster of Transformational Parenting Practices

  Malbec Grapes

 Parents of Teenagers Practice Love – Two Ways

If you know me at all (even if only through this blog), you know that I’m excited about the possibilities of what a Parent-Teen relationship can become. I suspect this will always be true of me … because I know how amazing those relationships can be after they transform. Ultimately, what jump-starts the transformation is Love. BUT when things turn sour and fall apart … it’s always when Parents of Teenagers Practice Love Two Ways!

Love is one of the strongest emotions in the world – perhaps the strongest. Love is unmistakable, immutable and irrefutable. This Love is “Unconditional!” You can always spot Unconditional Love. It’s a “Steel Magnolia!” It nurtures, protects and inspires simultaneously! It hangs tough over the long haul and does whatever it takesFor as long as it takes!  Unconditional Love does NOT know how to fail.

The Counterfeit Voice of Love

Everything sacred in the universe has a polar opposite. The same is true of Love. “Conditional Love” is the evil antithesis of Love. Conditional Love talks at your teenager, using abusive dysfunctional language. These Sticks & Stones break the emotional bones of your son or daughter, causing psychic damage that could take decades to heal. Conditional Love sounds something like this, even if the message is non-Verbal.

“I’ll love you … if you do what I say.

I’ll love you … if you walk, talk and think as I say.

I’ll love you … when you become what I say you should be.”

There’s nothing remotely subtle about any of these comments!

Parents of Teenagers Practice Two Kinds of Love

Consider for a moment how teenagers feel when such words and actions are directed at them. No one deserves to be loved Conditionally. Yet many teenagers know that what their parents call Love would suck the life right out of them.  Sadly, some parents of teenagers who practice Conditional Love are simply unaware of the long-term negative impact such parenting has on a teenager.

Conditional Love is as cruel and cowardly as a sucker punch to the gut. Many teenagers feel physical pain when they first realize their parents love them Conditionally. The abusive nature of Conditional Love is revealed in emotional scar tissue and other psychic damage that may never completely heal.

Unconditional Love Speaks to the Heart of Your Teenager

When you effectively deliver the message of Unconditional Love to your teenager, he or she will be “reassured” of your Love, concern and support … far beyond anything else you can say or do. This doesn’t happen when Parents of Teenagers Practice Two Kinds of Love!  Unconditional Love holds “reassurance” steady … even if your teenager forfeits your Approval from time to time. Unconditional Love sounds something like this:

“My Love is irresistible … so stop trying to fight it!”

“You can’t snuff out my love … or make it weak or small.”

“When you think you don’t deserve my love … It will still be here for you.”

These are the messages, Verbal and Nonverbal, that parents use to help their sons and daughters hear and understand their messages of Love. Teens often have difficulty hearing these messages. The reasons are as many as the insecurities and anxieties that make the teen years so difficult … even with patient and understanding parents.

The message of Unconditional Love is essential to keeping the lines of Communication open in Parent-Teen relationships. It’s hard to ignore reassurances of Unconditional Love – even when a teenager is being held Accountable for his or her behavior.

What Kind of Love Do Teenagers Need?

The answer is obvious: Teenagers need Unconditional Love from their parents.   They deserve no less – no matter how ridiculously they behave. Let’s face it, our teenagers can stomp all over our last nerve and still play the Victim!

When this happens, they need even more Unconditional Love, patience and understanding … as well as clearly defined boundaries so that they are clear on what they will be held Accountable for.

This is where it gets tough! When you hold your teenager Accountable for his or her behavior, you must be careful to continue to demonstrate your love in ways that your son or daughter can hear, understand and receive.

Whenever your teenager must be disciplined or held Accountable for something he or she did or failed to do, your teen should know that for the moment you are withholding your Approval … but NOT your Love.

There is a great difference between withdrawing Approval and withholding Love. When that message is delivered correctly, your teenager will understand the difference and not feel unloved or emotionally abandoned by you.

Let’s Take ACTION!

•   Learn your son or daughter’s Love Language!

•   When expressing Love to your teenager, use his or her Love Language!

•   Be Consistent and Fair-minded when your teen’s behavior warrants discipline!

•   Practice Unconditional Love … until it becomes “Second Nature” to you!

Here’s my official DARE:

I “D-Double Dare you” to leave me a message below!

Until next time … Hang In There!

Your Teenager is Worthy of all your Love and EXTRA Effort!

Shalom!

≈     ≈    ≈    ≈    ≈    ≈    ≈    ≈

NOTE:  As you know, “Mom and Dad Don’t Love Me!”  is available in the Amazon Kindle Store.  This eBook drives home the point that parents have greater Influence in the lives of their teenagers when their teens feel they are loved.  It is the 1st in the 3-eBook Series titled The Naked Truth About Parent-Teen Relationships.  CLICK HERE. I would love it if you’d leave a short Review of the eBook.  To do that CLICK HERE.

“Mom and Dad Don’t Have a Clue!” is also available in the Kindle Store.  This eBook “Unravels the Riddle about What Makes Your Teenager Tick, Talk and Transform!”  It is the 2nd eBook in the 3-eBook Series.  CLICK HERE.  I’d love it if you’d leave a short Review.  To do that CLICK HERE

THANKS A BUNCH!

“Mom and Dad Don’t Know I Get High!” is the 3rd and final eBook in the Series.  It will be full of current research-driven facts about “how the teen brain works” and how brain development is responsible for much of the sometimes peculiar behaviors of all our teens. 

Some of what you’ll find in the eBook is new information revealed in Science and Medicine so you may not be aware of all of it.  I’ll make a general statement here.  The information will be unsettling for some so don’t feel bad if … “YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH!”   🙂 🙂

Join the Email List to get notified about the exact publishing dates or check out the “Product List” on the Menu bar at the top of this page.  Fill out the Email Signup form in the right-hand column … and You’re In!  

 

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Reconnect with Your Teenager

January 2, 2015

  “The Parental Grapevine!”

A Cluster of Transformational Parenting Practices

  Malbec Grapes

“Reconnect with Your Teenager!”

What is the most hurtful thing your teenager has ever said to you? I believe most parents have the same answer.  It’s when our teenage son or daughter says:  “You don’t love me!”

The first time we hear those words, they feel like tiny daggers plunging into our heart.  Many parents learn, however, that those words are usually intended to manipulate us … more than anything else.  But there are other times when those words gush out of a wounded spirit that has been left unattended … or a tender heart expressing what it truly feels.

It does not matter if what your teenager is feeling is justified or not. A teenager’s heart only knows what it feels in the moment the feeling comes. Is there a better reason for parents to be more deeply engaged in the lives of their teen-children?  I think not. read more …

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